I remember a day way back in college when there’s a class activity given by our Guidance Counselor. She asked us to write the positive and negative traits of our classmates. Isang papel lang at mga salitang naisulat ng iba't ibang kulay ng ballpen pala ang makakasugat sa puso ko at magpaka-iyak sa akin. Matapos magsulat ang lahat ay kailangang basahin ang lahat ng nakasulat sa papel. Most of my classmates wrote: positive – responsible, leader and for the negative: OA (over-acting), suplada.
At first, tinatawanan ko pa pero noong binanggit ko na ng paulit-ulit, nalungkot na talaga ako at halos maiyak na. Bukod sa iyakin ako, ay hindi ko pala kayang tanggapin ang negative comments na kapag binabalikan ko ngayon ay hindi naman talaga ganoong ka-grabe. OA lang talaga ako! Syempre, nakalagay sa negative portion kaya ang dating sa akin ay offensive. Di naman dapat ;)
I also realized, I didn’t accept myself well and didn’t trust myself either then.
To overshadow my low confidence in myself, I needed to get the approval of others.
I found affirming words comforting.
Last year I took the 5 Languages of Love exam* and there I found that Words of Appreciation was one my strongest and most needed language to communicate well with me and my way towards others. But a couple of months ago, I re-took the exam and affirming words is now my second highest love language next to Acts of Service (easing burdens).
Madaming defects. Madaming fears.
Pero mabuti na lang, the Lord keeps on dealing with me.
|photo source via thetalkingshirt|
As for the irony, if the writings on the paper hurt me before; now, my own writing and made by others are helping me be better now.
Writing was one of God’s ways to heal my brokenness. I struggled to open my mind and heart to people for such a long time but since my burden is to inspire people and give hope: I started this blog. Every piece I posted online was a step en route for freedom from insecurities, fears and self-doubt. And with each posting, I prayed that God will use it to encourage the readers and bring the glory back to Him.
The greatest commandments according to Jesus is to the love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and soul, next is to love your neighbor as you live yourself.
Pero paano kung di natin kaya mahalin ang sarili natin at kung anong meron tayo? Paano pa natin maibibigay yung love na kailangang ibigay para sa iba kung tayo mismo ang nagto-torture sa sarili natin? According to 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
|photo via @thesimplybeloved|
Again, not all people will like us and accept our flaws wholeheartedly but some will do. They are the people who look not on the outward appearance of a person but what’s in his heart. And the other good news is that because God made us; He knows us well and loves us so much. He is our confidence.
Isaiah 41:10 says “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
|photo source via Google Images|
Today I leave you a song by Francesca Battisteli, "He Knows My Name". Her music video also consists of inspiring testimonies by women who struggled with emotional pain.
"True to who You are, You saw my heart and made something out of nothing.
He calls me chosen, free forgiven, wanted, child of the King,
His forever, held in treasure. I am loved.
I don't need my name in lights: I'm famous in my Father's eyes."