4 of 31: Going Blank

In times I was struggling with writer’s block or running out of creative juice, what did I usually do to escape it?

As a believer, my answer should be: “I make running to the Supreme Artist I’ve ever known, our Magnificent Creator, a priority. I consult Him and ask Him for inspiration. Trust Him that He’s with me. And I’d feel better.”

But most of the time I did not. I forget about Him being "the Artist" though I know He’s Almighty, sovereign and nothing is impossible with Him.

original photo source: publicdomainpictures.net

I work as a designer for several years now and I’m already familiar with having different frustrations while on developing stage. Insecurities had tried climbing my unsure self and then declaring an inner battle. I had those moments when I even doubted myself and my skills in countless times indeed. It’s when the pressure kept pressing on and so was the demanding deadline. I’d breathed out my worries. I wanted to wave my white canvas flag. But no, I must continue and finish well.

I’d breathed out my worries. I wanted to wave my white canvas flag. But no, I must continue and finish well.

Then I’ll choose to defocus a little. So I’d opened few design books, magazines, and websites for inspirations. Hours passed by until I’d felt better but the struggle was still there. I tried hard to make it work. Finally, I was able to create something then present it to my boss for approval.

It’s no joke whenever I encounter these horror moments. Sometimes because of mixed high emotions, my health gets affected too.

photo source: Operation Blessing Foundation Philippines Facebook page

Above photo is very true to me. I’ve experienced a lot of stomach pain because of worrying too much. I remember back in college that I’ve decided not to attend my design class because I was not able to finish my plate on time. I was really scared of my strict professor that I felt like having a fever as well.

I am a worrier. I am usually paranoid over so many things I cannot manage. But mind you, people who know me very well can testify that I already made some improvements. Yes! It's when the Lord tested my faith just a few years ago that I've learned to accept that I cannot control and fix everything in my life. I let go.

I've learned to accept that I cannot control and fix everything in my life. I let go. 


In such moments, my heart can rest for a while and sort my thoughts out.  Then I can utter a prayer to God again. I surrender to His will though of course, I ask for His help. Finally, it’s easier to refocus and restart my work once more. Write or sketch again. Type a lot of words, edit some, delete a few and the cycle goes on until I finish well and I feel good about myself again. This also goes with designing.

“God can create something out of nothing because He is our Creator”. 

In the beginning God (prepared, formed, fashioned, and) created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and an empty waste, and darkness was upon the face of the very great deep. The Spirit of God was moving (hovering, brooding) over the face of the waters.
And God said, Let there be light; and there was light.
And God saw that the light was good (suitable, pleasant) and He approved it; and God separated the light from the darkness.
And God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, one day.
Genesis 1:1-5 (AMP)

Life on earth is a cycle. Millions of writers had already covered a vast number of topics. Millions of artists had already created masterpieces that could wrap the whole earth if displayed altogether. But no such work came from nothing, zero. The writings, the arts, our feelings, our thoughts and our lives are always inspired by another thing, another person, another event or another’s idea.

I cannot help but have a smile in my face while I’m writing this now. For I can picture how tiny I am as compared to the size of my ideas. How short is my life  compared to my gigantic bucket list. However, I limitlessly think, feel, and create. I just need to restart if I truly want to finish well. It’s okay to pause a little while. In fact we need to do this a lot.

And whenever we feel like giving up, we just need to look up and converse with the “Big One”. And lay down our plans, our troubles, our insecurities and our challenges upon Him. Just so you wait patiently, He'll manage to lift us up again.

"Blessed be the Lord, Who bears our burdens and carries us day by day, even the God Who is our salvation! "
Psalm 68:19 (AMP)  

P.S.
After so many gaps in writing continuously, I did my fourth writing for My 500 Words (writing challenge by Jeff Goins) finally with almost 800 words! Yey! I also appreciate my co-writers at My 500 Words Facebook Community, most of them are really helpful and encouraging.