Your Prayers are Needed

My family and I are in deep pain right now. We brought our dear Tatay (father) at the hospital for the second time and this time, it’s more serious. Ever since I could remember, the Tatay I knew never got sick, never got tired. He was always strong and courageous. He loved to tell jokes yet he could easily lose his temper. He was never confined at the hospital until this year’s Father’s day due to high blood pressure. I cried the first day he stayed there, seeing him helpless and with dextrose at the same time. My family prayed for Him and that may God give him healing. The heaven answered and so he was discharged after 3 days but since then, things about him became not normal. He hardly could walk and move. He could not read nor watch TV due to doubling vision. And he was not okay. He is really a very hardworking father and he became more stressed thinking of how he could be a burden to us even though we encouraged him and made him laugh. It’s mild stroke, we thought. Things got worse until this afternoon: his right eye turning inward became invariable. My mother went to my aunt doctor and asked her for consultation but upon hearing of my Tatay’s condition, she asked my mother to bring him right away for checkup. Then they’d found out that his BP was abnormal again. His diastolic pressure was extremely higher than usual so we rushed him to the hospital tonight.

Honestly, we were financially struggling now. His previous hospitalization and personal difficulties cost us large. But even we get worried from time to time, we believe in our Father in Heaven’s supervision and provision. We tried to cheer him up tonight. Thank God, my ate was there to crack some jokes, for I could not talk but cry only. I could not comfort Tatay like what my ate is capable of. Tatay also worries about the billing but we assure him that we could surpass this, like what we said – our God is the great provider. He had a CT scan and X-ray. We waited almost 4 hours for him to be confined. My ate and I went back to our house to pick some essentials and then back to the hospital. His eyes were back to normal and so was his blood pressure. After half an hour, my ate and his husband plus I left the hospital. But few minutes after I arrived home, I received a text message from Nanay (mother) saying that they received the initial result of the CT scan. Father got his brain damaged. He is now incapable of doing things like he had before. He should not be left alone. He is now not able to walk without guide. He is under observation. After I read her message, I just cried. I could not accept it. I got scared. I am still scared. I feel sorry for my Tatay. Surely, his ego would hurt him. He was strong, he was happy and we were happy. Things were commonly predictable until this happen.

But my family won’t give up. We will pray harder and I asked my friend to include my Tatay to their prayers also. Thank you so much to everyone who sent their support already. We need more courage and hope now. God is at work. He is compassionate. And things happening now will give us reasons of His good, acceptable and perfect will. Jesus is our rock and His blood never failed us. This misery may last for this night but we believe that His joy will come in the morning. My Christ is mighty to save. He loves my Tatay too and He will take good care of Him, we believe.

And to encourage myself, I watched the video of Hillsong’s the Desert Song story. It’s about Jill McCloghry’s pain and trial of losing her first baby named Max --- a week before the recording of their album “This is our God”. She shared how she felt about that and how she chose to overcome fear and sadness with God’s promises. Jill inspires me and so are the many people listening to the Desert Song. And I totally agree with her. It’s normal to get sad and frustrated when expectations fail us but it doesn’t change the sovereignty of God and who He is.

I will rejoice.
I will declare.
God is my victory and He is here.

Below is the Transcript of Interview (video) with Jill McCloghry of Hillsong United via trulygodsgrace

Jill McCloghry:

“About a week and a half before the recording, I went into labor… I was about six months pregnant with our first little boy, Max… had him at the hospital and he was only 23 plus five, which is 23 weeks and five days old. So he was really little. But we had him and he was alive, and um, he was in the neonatal ICU, you know, where they were kind of taking care of him. And we basically spent a full day with him and we believed and we prayed that he would be okay, but we trusted that God was in control. And that night he, um, he died of, you know, just being too little basically. I was going to sing an album before… before any of this happened. I didn’t even think about the album until, you know, three or four days afterwards. But, um, I just remember thinking when my name was on the, you know, roster saying he was doing well, just thinking… feeling like I have to do it. And I actually remember sitting in a hospital right after everything happened and knowing that I needed to sing, that I needed to still do what I know I’m supposed to be doing and that I felt like that was just a victory for us. Right now, anyways, it’s just choosing to worship all the time; that’s what it is for me cause I don’t…I don’t always feel like it and I don’t feel like…. Sometimes I don’t feel like singing to God, but [sigh] I know that my circumstance in the season doesn’t change and that God is still God. It doesn’t change what God’s called me to be or what He’s called me to do. He’s still on the throne in heaven, you know, and He still rules, and He still bigger than everything that I’m facing.

I was, I was singing, and I believed everything I was singing. And I still don’t know why but part of me just was still so like, broken that I didn’t…. It wasn’t like this huge rush of, you know, how it always felt when I worshiped, like the presence of God just, you know, just flattened me. It wasn’t like that. And I remember singing and not feeling that, like how it always felt before… and just going “I know that you’re here, God” but I just… maybe it’s because my brokenness right now. The cut was so deep and it was so fresh that I didn’t feel like I felt it before but I knew I just need to keep singing and that it was going to be okay. And I just kept singing and then when we got to album night, it was the first night that I think I felt the presence of God like… like I knew him, like I’d known him before.

Brooke Fraser:

“For Jill and I to sing together on the night was such a privilege for me, and … aside from her being an amazing worship leader and being anointed and carrying the authority that she does… Just as her friend and sister in Christ, I was so proud of her and aware of the weight of her singing that. And um and just kind of just feeling so…I mean it was, it was a real emotional moment and just also being aware that her standing there in glorifying God in the midst of her loss and her tragedy, and that the devil lost kind of what he was trying to achieve.”

Jill McCloghry:

“Even when you say things that you know are true, but you might not necessarily fully understand it, I think that just being able to look at God and say things that are true of Him, and like declare the word of God, and declare the promises of God which is that, you know, “when in the fire, and when I’m being refined, and when I’m in battle, and when the triumph isn’t here yet but it’s coming…” I think that you look at God and say, “I know this is who You are…” and He does get, He does get bigger in your life. It takes over the things in you that feel so, you know, shattered. And it makes Him the focus, and it begins to put those things back together.”